When I was at the Bonnie Brae Residential Treatment Center we worked with kids who had serious emotional issues. To be eligible for services New Jersey said you had to fail your way in. So our kids were typically kids who had failed in numerous (often more than 10) foster placements, were in and out of psychiatric hospitals and correctional facilities, often had treatment issues complicated by substance abuse and were victims or perpetrators of physical and / or sexual abuse. Many had histories of violent behavior, many more were intent on self-harm. By the time a kid came to Bonnie Brae the numerous failed interventions left them with little or no self-worth. Yet if you looked hard – if you could find a way to look past the anger and the violence - you could discover untapped qualities in many of them.

To get a shot at tapping into those qualities you had to find approaches that were different than the traditional therapy models. We learned that Adventure Therapy programs could provide such novel strategies for rebuilding personal competencies. One activity that we ran involved snowshoe and cross country ski trips in the Vermont wilderness. We would snowshoe in on trails too rough for skiing, take shelter at huts located near the trail and hit the “skiable” trails on the way to the next hut and on to our final destination. The kids eligible for these trips had to learn and practice at sites with open fields and groomed trails before taking on the backwoods trails. Learning to cross country ski in the back country is not easy. Just like in life you are going to fall down - frequently. Sometimes you hit hard. You struggle to get back up and then – just like that, you’re down again. Uphill climbs using a herringbone technique can be tedious and frustrating. Sharp snowplow turns on narrow steep trails can challenge your sense of balance and your courage. The metaphors and life lessons are numerous.

These kids have fallen down – a lot. Skilled facilitators work with the experience to hit on topics like, maintaining balance, being totally committed, risking failure, continuing to get up and put out effort even in though you’re frustrated, feeling out of control and regaining control - of their emotions and their lives. The novelty of cross country skiing in an unfamiliar environment and the power of the natural consequences that occur in the backcountry are needed to break through with kids who have been betrayed by the adults in their lives, consequently don’t trust adults and have a legacy of failure in the mainstream environment.

For many of us life is on cruise control. The consequences of failing to get up again are not as serious for us as they are for the Bonnie Brae kids. We have fall back positions and safety nets. Few of us have to meet the challenges that these kids meet but we can still struggle to find ourselves and many of us find the search for self-confidence elusive in our teen years. Sports offer a less intense intervention for the rest of us. Sports can also expose us to experiences that can mirror real life situations. With sports we are constantly facing the possibility of failure. The best quarterbacks miss on 4 out of every 10 passes, the best hitters in baseball are credited with a hit only 3 out of every 10 at bats and the best shooters in high school basketball convert on about 4 of every 10 shots. The best players are not perfect, in fact they fail more frequently than they succeed.

Sports requires us to be the best individual we can be and at the same time, give of ourselves so others can succeed. When we participate in sports we come to realize that we can’t control everything in our lives, even when we do our best. When we decide to participate in sports we accept the possibility of failure so we can experience the possibility of success.

In the course of their 4 years at Voorhees this year’s seniors watched the team win a state sectional championship when they were freshman. In year two many played on the team that went back to the state sectional final. They suffered through a difficult season that fell far short of their expectations in year three. And now in their last go around, with the help of their sophomore and junior teammates, they have bounced back with a 13-4 record with 6 regular season games, at least 1 tri-county tournament game and the state tournament games remaining. They’ve been up and they have fallen down. They got up again this year and, if they can figure out what keeps you up and in balance, if they can handle the tough climbs and the sudden, sharp turns, they will finish with a season they can feel good about. They need to beat the teams they should beat and beat a team or two who they can beat if they play to their full potential (they need to believe they can win those games). This year’s team has improved greatly in the course of the past year. With that improvement comes the burden of new expectations. When you expect to win games a loss can sting – it knocks you down. When that happens you can sit in the snow or you can get up again (and sometimes again). There’s a lot of trail left in this season – at least 8 more games. These kids have worked hard to get where they are. They keep getting up, they keep getting better – and it can get better still. It will be interesting to see how far they can go.

“I’ve missed 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and….that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan

Bob Peterman