I’ll cut to the chase – of course not! But we seem to forget that. Just like our craving for “likes” on Facebook, our desire for recognition on the court may leave us blind to the true value of athletic competition. If we miss a key shot, make a turnover at the wrong time, don’t play enough or don’t play at all, these perceived shortcomings can have a disproportionate impact on our self-image.

When a basketball season ends it can be bittersweet. Only the most elite team wins the last game of the season. There can be lots to feel good about and sometimes regrets. Our performance may have fallen short of our expectations. But our ability to make a jump shot or block a shot, or even get significant playing time does not define us. Instead we define ourselves by how we handle the circumstances the sports experience presents. That experience is different for everybody, every day. No one is just an athlete. Sports are supposed to provide an opportunity to display who we are – our whole selves. That includes our imperfections, the mistakes that we make as well as the things we do well.

Martin Luther King Jr. said, “The ultimate measure of a (person) is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Most of us work hard to be good players and be recognized for it. But despite all the popular wisdom out there success in athletics is not just a matter of grit and hard work. As we all know there are no guarantees in sports or in life. Hard work alone does not translate into success in any endeavor. In fact there is a lot of research that says our success, in sports and in life, can depend largely on luck. There is no question that being lucky enough to be born in this country and living where we live gives us advantages others may not have. In the same way our opportunities as part of a team are affected by luck. Luck can come into play through a variety of scenarios. Variables like the coach’s philosophy, team composition – are there more guards than bigs, or vice versa - injuries, illness, match ups with the opposition etc. can factor into how much we play or if we play at all. Many of these variables are out of our control. Of course hard work is a factor – just not the only factor. If our season doesn’t go as we hoped we’ll be disappointed. But it doesn’t define us. If our self-worth is defined only by sports we may need to take a step back and re-assess. Take a look at ourselves – acknowledge the good things about ourselves – get the picture in focus, get the issues in balance.

There’s more to each of us than “athlete” – there’s friend, teammate, sibling, kid, student, future nurse, teacher, manager, coach, neighbor……. On this year’s team we had players who could shoot, players who could pass, and players who could defend. We also had players who were supportive, players who worked to make other players better by practicing hard. Some of us may be better at math than basketball. We could be recognized as the best math student on the team but not the best basketball player. Some of you are the best kind of friend, some of you are happy when others are happy – even if you are not. We all bring more to the table than our stats.

A short while ago I was talking with a friend. We were talking about getting older (not a subject I recommend discussing). He said we spend a good part of our life creating layers of personality that together, form our identity. We are a baby, maybe a sibling, a friend, a student, an athlete, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a lawyer, coach, teacher, nurse or whatever we chose as our profession. As time goes on we continue to add layers – maybe a husband, or wife, father, mother, aunt, uncle, coach, manager, leader etc. The layers we choose to add express to others who we are at our core – the things that we value. As we grow older these layers start to peel away. We are no longer a child, a student, an athlete. As you approach retirement age you are faced with peeling off a layer that you carried for maybe 35 – 40 years – your profession. If we allowed ourselves to become our position we’ll feel the loss when that layer is peeled away. We might struggle to find meaning in our lives without that layer. But if these layers of personality are just ways of expressing who we are – if they are an expression of what we believe in, we’ll find other ways to bring meaning – we’ll add new layers, even as we grow older. That’s why some people find contentment in volunteering, or learning new skills or re-discovering old skills. The same is true for athletics. If everything we are is about sports, when the sports are no longer a factor in our lives, or when they don’t meet our expectations, that layer will peel away. What’s left when that happens? You may need some help seeing that, actually, there’s a lot left.

Basketball was just one way of expressing who you are. If you were unselfish on the court, making the pass to an open teammate, you’re an unselfish person. If you were willing to sacrifice yourself for the good of the team setting a hard screen or taking a charge, you’re a person who sacrifices for the benefit of others. If you played hard until the game was over, regardless of the score, you’re a hard worker who never gives up. If you cheered and supported your teammates, even if you didn’t play as much as you hoped, you’re the ultimate team player. If you recognized a teammate who was struggling, and reached out to them, you have empathy. Take away basketball and these qualities still exist – it’s still part of who you are.

As a team you were successful this year. Twenty wins in a season is quite an accomplishment. As players, well, that’s a personal assessment. Based on the conversations we had through the spring, summer and fall your season was a personal success (by your definition) if you stayed true to your teammates, made the most of your time together, remained positive through the challenging times, respected the program’s tradition and modeled for the kids coming behind you. There was no mention of wins, points scored or personal accolades. That’s the standard you set.

When you reflect on your personal performance I hope you feel good about your contribution. What I’ll remember about this group is your strong desire to get along and succeed together, your collective sense of humor, the joy you showed when you were around each other, how much you wanted to improve, together as a team. I can’t tell you who had the best shooting percentage, who led the team in steals, or turnovers, or deflections. To be honest that stuff doesn’t matter much to me. What matters is that, when you peel off that layer, that part of you that is a basketball player, what makes each of you special and unique is still there. Basketball doesn’t define you it just gives you an opportunity to show who you really are. For the younger players - your time is coming. The girls who played before you left you something. Learn from them, add to it and enjoy your time together. I’ll bet many of them will be coming back to watch you play. Make sure they see the best of who you are.

Bob Peterman