Kumbaya

June 10th, 2019

Team

Teamwork

Conflict

I’m sure I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again – harmony is overrated! According to all the recent studies on effective teams – work teams or athletic teams – the most effective are not those who live in harmony. The most effective teams are those who embrace conflict and see a diversity of ideas as a strength that puts them on a path to becoming better and stronger. When we focus on maintaining harmony we may not see and tackle the issues that can split us apart. When we don’t acknowledge and take on these issues groups don’t evolve to become teams – and they can die a slow death.

The concept of embracing conflict is difficult for kids who, by nature, have a strong desire to “just get along”. The need to belong, while strong for all of us, is strongest in the teen years. It’s counterintuitive to seek out problems when what we want most is to be a part of the group and be “liked” and accepted.

So why would a kid take this on? What’s the upside? Lots of us have “friends” who agree with everything we say, never disagree with us, and tell us how special we are –at least to our faces. But how many of us have friends who truly care about us. Friends who we trust to be honest with us, let us know where they stand and tell us what we need to hear – even if it’s not what we want to hear. How many of us have friends who we can trust to do all that even when it’s hard and might hurt. Being that person may actually get you to the same peer place – accepted and respected.

As we grow up we look for ways to let the world know we are here. We might develop specific skill sets that set us apart – maybe we can sing, act, fix things, excel at technology stuff or excel at sports. We might stress ourselves trying to compete academically, taking honors courses, trying to get into the name colleges or tech schools because everybody else is…… Our self-worth is measured, at least in part, by these accomplishments. It’s not a bad thing. Developing skills, working hard on academics, challenging yourself with advanced classes and attending good schools is all good. These are statements about who we are and in some cases these statements set us apart from others – just like our accomplishments on the court.

But maybe there is another way to set ourselves apart – a way to excel where few others excel – kids or adults. People who learn the art and skill of speaking to the truth in a direct, honest and caring way are rare and exceptional. It is a skill that will help you in any profession you choose – accept maybe politics.

These are the people who can change cultures and drive teams to extraordinary accomplishments – they make a difference. When hiring for leadership positions or assessing leadership potential this is the quality that, for me, sets candidates apart from others. Those folks are hard to find. You can find the really nice people (passives) and the hard guys (aggressive) but finding the assertive people – the ones who can challenge you directly because they truly care about you and the company – is difficult.

All teams face the challenge of speaking to their reality. Every group has its own challenges. This year’s challenges are different than last years – but there are and will be challenges for this year’s team. I’m already hearing stuff like “well we did win 20 games last year” or “we have 5 returning varsity players”. Both are indicators for me – concerning indicators. These kinds of statements are indicators of complacency or "we’re good enough already". History weighs in pretty clearly on this one – teams that think they are good enough – aren’t.

It would be great if this team wins 20 or more games next year but to do so will require a lot of work. You can’t lose 7 seniors from a 20 win team and think you will automatically be as good or better. This year’s team, at present, lacks depth. Who will step up and fill those roles. Who will take more than 14 charges and lead the team in blocks. Do we have a player who can deliver 106 assists? Who will step up to be a versatile and dependable man to man defender? Will we have the necessary inside –out game that make teams tough to defend? Who will give us depth at all of those five returning positions when foul trouble or injuries occur?

The 5-7 players who will round out the varsity roster will need to be integrated quickly. They will need to be welcomed, valued and supported. They will need to be trusted to do their jobs. This group needs to play together and often. They need to develop relationships and eventually trust. They need to struggle and work through it, this summer and fall, not this December. Someone (or hopefully, several players) will need to speak up when players fall short of their commitment to the team – on the court (selfish or uninspired play) or off the court (lack of commitment or distracting drama).

Coaches will need to step up when the players cannot. They need to speak to what everybody already knows when everybody is pretending it’s not happening. Coaches can set a standard for how the team communicates and functions. Unfortunately when it falls to the coach to speak up it means the players are laying low.

For a lot of players there’s an internal struggle that goes on – honest kids want to speak to the issues that impact them and others in the group but the perceived risks are significant. It can be safer to just smile and carry on. Unfortunately unresolved issues are visible both on and off the court. Avoidance leads to gossip, back stabbing, dissension and less than optimal performance.

If you have been around this stuff long enough you know that winning fixes everything – or more accurately put – when (while) you are winning you set aside the stupid stuff. It becomes evident when we struggle to beat, or lose to teams with more discipline but less skill than our team – because the difference is cohesion.

Yup, I’ve said a lot of this before – because it is an issue for every group trying to become a team. It is the most difficult skill to master. It is harder than making a shot under pressure, dribbling in traffic, defending a quicker player or making the perfect pass. It is harder because it is not a personal skill, it is an interpersonal skill. From what I’ve seen these skills are not taught in our institutions of higher learning, at the high school, undergraduate or post graduate level.

We want this team, like very Voorhees team, to be successful and become a part of the long standing legacy of Lady Vikes basketball. We know that it is about more than playing games and working on your ball handling and shooting skills. It’s about the quality of the player relationships - all the players. Basketball provides you with an opportunity to work on skills that are critical to a basketball team’s success – skills that transcend basketball. You don’t need a hoop or even a ball. You need a little bit of knowledge and the courage to see and speak to what everyone else sees but ignores. You have a chance to work on it, struggle with it get better at it over the next few months. It all starts with the Holy Family tournament.

Here’s hoping you play for each other and practice it like you do your jump shot.

Best of luck to the seniors who graduate on June 13^th. Thanks again for all that you have done – and best of luck.

Special thanks to Caroline Kenzari who showed up almost every night this spring to help us out. We needed the help and she came through.

Have a great summer! Play – a lot!

Bob Peterman