TRUST
“There is one thing that is common to every individual, relationship, family, organization, nation, economy, and civilization throughout the world – one thing which, if removed, will destroy the most powerful government, the most successful business, the most thriving economy, the most influential leadership, the greatest friendship, the strongest character, the deepest love.
On the other hand, if developed and leveraged, that one thing has the potential to create unparalleled success and prosperity in every dimension of life. Yet it is the least understood, most neglected, and most underestimated possibility of our time.”
(What is that one thing?)
THAT ONE THING IS - TRUST
Stephen M.R. Covey
“Building trust requires nothing more than telling the truth.”
Simon Sinek, Leaders Eat Last
“If you expect a culture of trust, you have to build and foster a culture of truth”
Jay Bilas, ESPN analyst and former Duke basketball player
Trust is the belief that people have integrity (will do the right thing) and that they are competent (capable of doing what needs to get done).
Leadership begins with trust. You can have all kinds of other leadership skills but without trust you’ll never lead – because people won’t follow someone they don’t trust. They’ll comply to keep their position or status within the group but they won’t invest.
“In the Marine Corps leadership is not about being right all the time. Leadership is not a rank worn on the collar. It is a responsibility that hinges almost entirely on character. Leadership is about integrity, honesty and accountability. All components of trust. Leadership comes from telling us, not what we want to hear, but rather what we need to hear. To be a true leader, to engender deep trust and loyalty, starts with telling the truth.
As humans, we are hardwired to constantly assess the information people give us and the actions they perform. It’s a constant and ongoing process. We do not trust someone after they tell us just one thing, even if it’s the truth. Truth evolves once we have enough evidence to satisfy our brain that a person is, indeed, an honest broker.”
Simon Sinek, Leaders Eat Last
In Therapeutic Adventure in Residential Treatment (Brown, Peterman, Errico) we outlined our approach to developing trust in groups -
“Trusting is something we do every day of our lives. We might not be conscious of it all the time, but we experience it frequently. Trust is a powerful motivator. It influences people to do things they normally would not. It determines who's "in" and who's "not". It is necessary for any kind of growth and advancement. Without trust, both individuals and groups will quickly reach an impasse.
Indeed, trust constantly fluctuates based on the returns of interacting with others. It is the outcome of a connection between individuals or groups which results from their interaction. It varies in strength, duration, and is subject to constant re-evaluation. As such, it is difficult to measure. Yet, we believe we can see it in others' behavior and sense when we have it. Because of our individual differences, what trust is to one person is not necessarily the same for another, at least not to the same degree.
The renowned family therapist, Salvador Minuchin, shares a similar insight to his working with groups. He states that one of the problems with working with hundreds of groups is that you become a little impatient. You think, I've heard this story before; let's move forward. You haven't. They're all different. (Minuchin, 1993).
In learning how to trust we gradually test out how accurately we can predict outcomes, how reliable people are; and how safe we can be. As Bell (1992) points out, trusting means a person does not have to monitor their own behavior because someone else is doing that for them.”
How do you begin to earn trust?
To understand how trust works we need to explore the complexity of being honest and acting with integrity. David Horsager’s Pillars of Trust break it down a bit further.
Clarity: People trust the clear and mistrust or distrust the ambiguous. Be clear about your purpose, expectations, and daily activities.
Compassion: People put faith in those who care beyond themselves. People are often skeptical about whether someone really has their best interests in mind.
Character: People notice those who do what is right ahead of what is easy. Leaders do what needs to be done when it needs to be done, whether they feel like doing it or not.
Competency: People have confidence in those who stay relevant, and capable. The humble and teachable person keeps learning new ways of doing things.
Commitment: People believe in those who stand through adversity. Commitment builds trust.
Connection: People want to follow and be around those who are willing to connect and collaborate. Trust is all about relationships, and relationships are best built by establishing genuine connection.
Contribution: Few things build trust quicker than actual results. At the end of the day, people need to see outcomes. You can have compassion and character, but without the results you promised, people won’t trust you.
Consistency: It’s the little things—done consistently—that make the biggest difference.
The Trust Environment
As a leader you have to establish an environment that is psychologically safe – where team members believe that it is safe to share ideas, make mistakes and disagree with the norm.
Trust is more about what we do than what we say. A leader can set the stage by involving the team in activities that demonstrate trust at a basic level (where the formation of trust always starts). Reflecting on the activity allows people to connect their actions and their words. Two traditional activities can create that experience. One, the Trust Walk, addresses physical safety – do I trust that you can / you will guide me safely through the obstacles while I’m blindfolded? The other, Interviews, is more about psychological safety – am I willing to share information about myself with the group? The experience of the Trust Walk and Interviews can provide a starting point for exploration of trust within the group. Like the process of building trust itself, other activities can increasingly test the limits of our commitments to each other and build more positive experiences of trust.
Continue to build a safe environment and develop trust by demonstrating humility and vulnerability – let people see that you are human – that you don’t have all the answers and you can make mistakes. Some people think showing signs of vulnerability is a sign of weakness. In fact, the opposite is true. True leaders are both confident and humble. They know what they don’t know. They also know that their team is the strongest when it reflects the collective strengths of all its members. It takes courage to share power. It takes courage to let people see your human side. When people see that you are willing to show vulnerability, and invite their input, they may feel like it is safe for them to do so as well.
In The Culture Code, Daniel Coyle talks about the connection between vulnerability and trust:
“At some level, we intuitively know that vulnerability tends to spark cooperation and trust. But we may not realize how powerful and reliable the process is. Dr. Jeff Pulser, a professor of organizational behavior at Harvard, spent a lot of time in his career examining groups and vulnerability. He notes that a shared exchange is the most basic building block of cooperation and trust. Pulser talks about a shared exchange that he describes as a vulnerability loop.
Vulnerability loops seem swift and spontaneous from a distance, but when you look closely, they will follow the same discrete steps:
1. Person A sends a signal of vulnerability.
2. Person B detects the signal.
3. Person B responds by signaling their own vulnerability.
4. Person A detects the signal.
5. A norm is established; closeness and trust increase.
The vulnerability loop, is contagious.”
You can begin to model vulnerability by asking team members to complete the following exercise (signaling your own vulnerability).
Ask each of your team members the following questions:
1. What’s the one thing I do that you would like me to continue to do?
2. What’s the one thing I don’t do frequently enough that I should do more often?
3. What can I do to make you more effective?
Write down all of the feedback you receive. Plan to address areas where you can do better.
You may not agree with everything you hear but keep in mind that your team’s perceptions are important. A defensive response takes you down the wrong road. If you do not think you need to work on the specific feedback from a team member, address the perception. Inquire about their perception and listen to hear what might drive it. You may find that in the future you need to communicate more effectively or follow up to be sure your message was received.
The information provided will give you an opportunity. It is the opportunity to demonstrate to your team that you listen and care enough to respond to their feedback. It is an opportunity to show that you are open to hearing that you can do better. When you show that people can approach you with feedback it makes it possible for you to begin a relationship based on open communication. When you model it for them it is easier for them to hear your feedback (signaling their own vulnerability).
What’s Next?
One of the fastest ways to build (or restore) trust is to make and keep commitments – to ourselves and others.
Keep notes on the conversations you have with team members. You may be well intentioned but in the course of a busy day you may forget many of the things said in a brief conversation. They, however, will remember everything you say or promise. Earn a reputation for coming through on your commitments. If something happens that keeps you from following through, speak to it in an honest conversation with the team member(s) involved. In the end you want to create a history of keeping commitments.
Ask your team members the following question and have them write down their responses.
What are some examples of how we, as a team, could do better with trust?
Gather the responses and discuss them with the team. Prioritize the responses and plan, with the team, to address the most important issues.
Next, ask them the question below.
What are some examples of how you, personally, can do better with trust?
This question is a little harder to answer – it’s more personal and involves a bit more risk. The team members openness in answering this question will give you some insight to the current level of trust within the group. It can help you sort out the difference between the words shared and their true feelings. It lets you know where you and the team need to do some work.
Ask each team member to write down a plan for addressing where they can do better with trust.
Now What?
You established an environment of psychological safety. You’ve begun the process of building a relationship with each of your team members. You let them see that you are human, that you, like them, make mistakes and can do better. You have shown that you want to do better and have responded to feedback about how to begin that process. It’s a good start – a foundation has been put in place.
“I have no data to say exactly how long it takes to feel like we trust someone. I know it takes more than seven days and I know it takes fewer than seven years. I know it’s quicker for some slower for others. No one knows exactly how long it takes, but it takes patience.”
Simon Sinek, Leaders Eat Last
Building trusting relationships is a process that never ends. You continue to build on your foundation by showing an interest in people. As you invest in your team relationships the bonds between you grow stronger. You, as the leader must continue to model for your team. As relationships grow stronger it can become more difficult to remain direct and honest. We can hesitate when issues that must be shared are potentially painful. This is where we have to remind ourselves about the true meaning of caring about another. Remember what Simon Sinek learned about leadership in the Marine Corp –
Leadership is about integrity, honesty and accountability. All components of trust. Leadership comes from telling us, not what we want to hear, but rather what we need to hear. To be a true leader, to engender deep trust and loyalty, starts with telling the truth.
If we avoid delivering potentially painful information we mask the truth. Absent the truth trust begins to erode. It’s really hard to rebuild trust. It’s much easier to preserve it.
Develop a Trust Maintenance Plan. Meet regularly with your team members both individually and as a team. Check in to see how you and they are doing. Pay attention to words and actions. Body language, eye contact, voice tone, team performance and other non-verbal cues provide you with information that is more reliable than words. Dig a little deeper if what you feel is different than what you hear.
Do a personal assessment of how you are doing using the Pillars of Trust. Rate yourself. Ask your team to rate you as well. Stay open to continually growing and owning what you can do better.
Once trust is earned – keep it. Stay open, honest and transparent. Return to the vulnerability exercise above (What is it that I do…..) every 3 or 4 months. Typically, when I run this exercise with leaders for the first time they report that, “everyone says I’m good – nothing to work on here”. That’s because the answers you get in the first round will be safe answers. Your team, lacking deep trust, will be testing to see how you respond – is it psychologically safe to answer these questions honestly? Ideally when you come back to it you have already gained more trust and the answers will be more open, honest and useful.
If you take advantage of the opportunities that present themselves you will begin to earn a higher level of trust. Never pass up an opportunity to demonstrate that the risk your team took in trusting you was a risk that continues to pay off.
Check out the Eight Principles of Building Team Trust, from The Connector Manager, Roca and Wilde:
1. Articulate the importance of different team member perspectives. Reiterate the common purpose that the team is working towards, articulating the value of each team member brings to the
team’s success.
2. Actively solicit team member input. Acknowledge the limitations of decision-making based on your perspective alone and frame the teams work as a learning opportunity to make better
decisions.
3. Listen actively and model curiosity. Focus on the team discussions and ask clarifying and rephrased questions to ensure that you are understanding what each team member is saying.
4. Avoid making assumptions. Ensure that your statements and responses to the statements of others are not based on assumptions, and help team members avoid making assumptive
statements as well. Ask clarifying questions as needed.
5. Manage expectations proactively. Identify areas of potential disconnect, such as playing time, competing agendas, and different perspectives. Clarify which competing priorities should take
precedence in a particular meeting.
6. Engage detractors early and often. Identify individuals who are uncertain of the value of inclusion or who reject the idea that inclusion leads to better performance. Ensure that their perspective
is uncovered and respected, and that they respect and consider the perspectives of others.
7. Keep team conversations confidential. Agree on norms for what can be shared outside the team at the start of the conversation. Maintain the confidentiality of each speaker when sharing
themes or perspectives.
8. Recognize good behavior. Start each meeting with recognition of specific successes.
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